


Learn To Love Yourself

by RufusThePup



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Character Death, Cunnilingus, Gender Dysphoria, Homophobia, M/M, Trans Character, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-24
Updated: 2015-05-24
Packaged: 2018-03-31 23:32:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3997366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RufusThePup/pseuds/RufusThePup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"There's nothing more important to me than the safety and well-being of my men."</p><p>Tucker comes to terms with his gender, with the help of his Captain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Learn To Love Yourself

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE HEED THE WARNINGS ON THIS ONE. 
> 
> The transphobia and homophobia are all on Church's part, here. I tried to avoid using slurs, but it's still some pretty hateful shit. 
> 
> A lot of the talk about being trans in this is based on my own knowledge and experiences. I like to think I understand it okay, but I very well may not.

“It's a pleasure to meet you, darlin'. I'm Butch Flowers, I'll be your CO while you're here in Blood Gulch.” 

“Nice to meet you, sir.” 

“And you're... Laverne, is it?”

“...Yeah.” 

“Something wrong?”

“...No, sir.” 

“Honey, I know you're probably nervous. New place, new people, I totally understand that. But I want you to know you can talk to me about anything, okay? If you have a problem, I'll try to help and accommodate you as best I can.”

“It's just... I don't like being called that.” 

“Is there something else you'd prefer I call you?” 

“...Lavernius.”

“Lavernius. That's a lovely name. I'll have to write that down so I remember.” 

“Wait—there's something else, too.” 

“Yes?”

“I'm not... I don't... Please don't call me a girl!” 

“You'd rather I call you...?”

“A boy, please. I know what my forms say, but I don't—”

“I understand completely, son.”

-

Ever since their first meeting, Tucker had a good feeling about his Captain. He honestly couldn't believe how much he lucked out. Flowers never pestered him with questions about his sex or gender, or messed up his pronouns; he accepted it immediately, and was always mindful of his choice of words. 

This was the first time Tucker ever had someone respect him for who he is. 

After a while, he realized that it was a little surprising, considering how intrusive Flowers was with everything else. 

Like the time he joined Tucker in the showers. 

“Captain Flowers! I—I'm sorry, I was just about to leave—”

“Are you sure? I'd love for you to join, maybe we could talk?” 

Tucker was nervous around him for the first time. This always happens—

“I won't look at you, if you don't want me to.” 

—oh. That was a first. 

“Did I ever tell you I had a trans friend in my last troop?”

“...Really?”

Flowers nodded thoughtful, “Her name was Connie. She was just a _doll._ A little cynical, but just so incredibly sweet. She taught me a lot; what was okay to ask and talk about, and what wasn't.”

“...That's how you knew what I meant...”

“Mmhm,” he dropped his head back under the shower head, soaking his hair. “She had trouble with it, sometimes. Luckily, our squadron was very non-judgmental, so she never got any flak from us. She just had a lot of self-doubt.”

“Dysphoria.” 

“Pardon?”

“I mean, I think. I heard that word be used for those feelings. I don't know...” 

Flowers smiled at him. There was a lull in the conversation, and they both focused on washing more than each other. 

“Did you ever date her?” Tucker asked. 

“Who, Connie? Oh, no, I'm gay.” 

\- 

The thoughts came to him eventually. He wasn't really surprised when they did. Flowers had been so kind to him—so of course his dumb hormonal mind had to misinterpret that as a sign of affection. It happened all the time.

“Is something wrong, Tucker?”

It was during dinner when he asked. He always was so incredibly attentive; Tucker couldn't hide anything from him. 

“I was just thinking... you said you're gay, right?”

“Yes. ...That doesn't bother you, does it?”

“No, no, that's fine. ...That means you like dicks, right?” 

His Captain chuckled, “Generally, yes.” 

“Oh...” Tucker glanced down at his food. He had been pushing it around his plate for most of the meal. “Okay.” 

“...I know what this is,” Flowers hummed. “You think that I wouldn't be attracted to you because of what's between your legs.” 

Bingo. 

“Tucker, look at me.” He placed a hand under the younger's chin. “I like men. You're a boy, so I like you. Don't doubt yourself just because of what parts you have. If this feels right, then embrace it. Don't let people tell you what you have to be.”

-

It's not long after that discussion that they end up having sex. Tucker's nervous—he's never been with a guy, before—but Flowers talks him through it. 

“Tucker, listen to me: I want you to talk to me during this, okay? Tell me what's going through your head, if anything feels at all wrong. I want this to be enjoyable for you.”

Tucker nods as he's pulled up into a kiss. He tangles his hands in Flowers' dark, silky hair and combs through—something he's always wanted to do. 

The older man drags his hands down Tucker's sides, making him shiver, before resting them just above his breasts. He breaks the kiss to look for approval, and is answered with another nod. His breasts are squeezed once before hands climb up his shirt to repeat, thumbing over his nipples and making him arch. 

Flowers kisses between his breasts and down his soft tummy, stopping at the waistband of his pants. He tucks his fingers in and slowly pulls them down until they hang off one leg. With a bit of hesitation, Tucker spreads them a little further, his hands shaking as he throws an arm over his eyes. 

“You okay?” 

“I—I'm nervous...”

“Do you want to stop?” 

“...No.” 

The Captain climbs off the bed so his head is resting between Tucker's legs. His fingers pet over the damp curls before circling his clit. Tucker gives an audible gasp and starts wriggling his hips, only for them to be pinned to the bed with one hand. 

With a smirk up at him, Flowers spreads his cunt open with two fingers and flicks his tongue over his clit. His patterns for this alternate; from swirling his tongue over it to simple strokes, to pulling it between his lips and sucking until Tucker's legs were shaking. 

The younger's moans echoed through the empty base, hands grabbing at the sheets and himself and Flowers' hair, too overwhelmed to decide where they should stay. He cries out “oh my god” before his entire body tries to curl in on itself, his orgasm crashing over him in waves. 

Flowers doesn't stop until he feels Tucker's body relax once more, then he pulls himself back onto the bed. His mouth is wet when he kisses him, and Tucker can't help but hasten a lick. He's gotta know what it tastes like. (Consensus? Not bad.)

“You make lovely noises when you cum,” he coos, pecking Tucker on the cheek. 

“Gross, don't say it like that,” Tucker teases, shoving him lightly. He smiles regardless. “Thanks. I've never... just, thanks.” 

“Never had sex or never had an orgasm?” 

“Both. I think. I've cum before, but it's never been like that.” 

Flowers hums with intrigue. “I can make it even better. If you wanna go again..?” He grinds into Tucker's leg, letting him feel how hard he is. 

Tucker bites his lip and grins. “I'm always up for round two.”

-

When Flowers tells him they're getting a new recruit, he's excited and worried at the same time. 

At first, everything's okay. He and Church hit it off well. They have a similar sense of humour and are able to crack jokes comfortably around each other. Flowers is happy that his boys are getting along.

And then things turn sour. 

“Ew, what?!” Church blurts out. “You're gay?! Ugh. I mean, that's cool and all, but I'm not, okay? So don't get the wrong idea or anything. I don't want you, like, hitting on me or anything.” 

Flowers handles it gracefully. He's able to shrug off those comments, and doesn't treat Church any differently. 

“God, I can't believe that guy,” Church comes up to Tucker, jabbing him in the side, “How do you put up with him? Aren't you scared he'll, like, flirt with you or grab your ass or something?”

Tucker's too nervous to reply. His heart feels like it's dropped to his stomach. 

“God, I'm gonna be too freaked out around here, now. I mean, what if he tries to stick his dick in my mouth while I'm asleep?” 

Church laughs at his own comments, and Tucker manages to force a smile at him. 

This isn't gonna go well. 

-

“What the fuck?!” 

It's a million times worse than he could have ever imagined. 

“You said you were a guy! What the fuck is this?!” 

Through the tears welling in his eyes, Tucker manages to choke out a response, “I—I am a guy...”

“ _Guys_ don't have tits! _Guys_ have dicks. You're not a guy!” 

“ _ **Church!**_ ”

It's the first time either of them have heard their Captain raise his voice and scold someone. It echoes off the bathroom walls and leaves a tense feeling in the air. 

Tucker's too petrified to move. He tries to stifle his sobs but can't. 

Flowers places a hand on his shoulder. “Why don't you go lie down?” he whispers, voice as soft and caring as normal, “I'll talk to him.”

Tucker never wants to leave his room. It's only midday but he doesn't come out for the rest of the evening. 

It's early in the morning when his Captain knocks gently on his door and lets himself in. He kneels at the side of the bed and speaks softly. “I explained things to him to the best of my abilities. If he ever apologizes, I don't expect you to forgive him.” Tucker pulls his sheets tighter over himself. “If you want to join us today, you're welcome to. You can always come to me if you ever feel like talking about anything. Not just what happened, but anything you need to get off your chest, okay?” A little nob, and Flowers leaves him to rest. 

-

“He's dead, Tucker.”

_Don't say that._

“I think he had a heart attack?”

_Stop talking._

“Holy shit, man.”

_He can't be dead._

“Should... should we bury him?”

Tucker clears his throat and steadies his breathing. “Not yet. Too soon.”

“Mmh, I guess. I'll, uh, I'll go call Command.”

This is really happening. 

Tucker kneels down by his body. He's still warm, but there's no breathing, no heartbeat. He can't help but feel like if they had found him just a second earlier, maybe he could have been saved, somehow. 

He looks over the aqua helmet in his hands. The gravity of this situation hasn't quite sunk in yet. 

No more kind words, no more stories about his old team, no more sweet, affectionate sex lasting for hours and hours....

He doesn't want to let go of his helmet. He doesn't want to risk forgetting him. 

And he doesn't have to. 

“Woah, dude, what the fuck? So burying him isn't appropriate right now, but _that_ is?” Church scoffs. 

Tucker looks down over the new armour covering him. It feels surreal. 

But it also feels right. 

-

What would Flowers think of him now?

“Captain Tucker! Sir!”

“What is it, Palomo?” 

“Agent Washington wants to speak with you.”

“Alright, I'll be right there.”

...He'd be proud.

**Author's Note:**

> WHAT A COP-OUT ENDING WHAT THEF UCK
> 
> hippocratessocrates (.) tumblr


End file.
